Every year the month of January has a way of re-writing the script of life. And we are usually sick. All of us. This winter has been exceptionally brutal. The snows came and didn’t leave it’s grip. But more than the weather…the storm in my heart needs to find the beacon of light…called FORGIVENESS.
Right before the Thanksgiving holiday my husband and I had a HUGE problem with some family members on his side. We had to make some uncomfortable decisions on behalf of my children. My husband had such a hard time, that for a moment there, his health was of a great concern. We had to be UNCOMFORTABLE the whole holiday season, my hubbies FAVORITE time of year. Needless to say, these past few months have defined our relationship. Many marriages would collapsed under the pressure we endured. We were challenged by people we loved and trusted. We had to come to a place of protection of our commitment and CORE VALUES. Truly the way we WANT to raise our kids. And I have to say, yes, it’s a bit on the protective side.
What I learned during this time is that people have choices. And some people can’t just let others make choices that don’t ultimately suit them. I have learned so much about myself as a wife and mother over these past few months. All that really matters is my home I share with my girls and wonderful husband. It truly is all about US in the end. We tried to have an open policy in the past. No longer. The open house has been closed until further notice.
The balance I seek in my life comes from a desire to LEAD by example for my tween daughters. And those I surround myself with are also in a position to show the best of themselves and the best of behavior so modeling can occur – my girls deserve this. If you can’t do that, then you are not getting too far through my threshold…SORRY. If you don’t respect yourself or others…then I’m sorry, don’t bother with me.
I must find the beacon of forgiveness on my trip down south. I need to find it in the solitude of the seashells I simply and utterly enjoy collecting….stealing away alone in my thoughts. I need to find it in the safety of my parents’ beautiful home….I need to find it in my heart. I need the sun to shine again. I need a safe place to have a temper tantrum if I want to. 🙂
Holding onto negative feelings just doesn’t get me anywhere. It manifests itself into a life all it’s own. Resentment will set in, and I WILL never forgive like I know I can. I need to do this soon – I can feel it.
I’m going to find the light in my heart, in my own time and way. Perhaps I will not find it in the next two weeks…I’m not going to pressure myself. But the universe is being asked to come and support me. I’ve ALWAYS been taken care of. But this time, I need to decide for myself what is best.
So, Sanibel here I come. I hope the weight of my heart will not burden you. I will heal. I know I will!!!
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